Carrots Are People Too
by Shyro Foxfeather
Summary: [Teen Titans] Raven finds the flaws with Beast Boy's vegan diet.
1. The First Sign Of Insanity

Carrots Are People Too

By Shyro Foxfeather

……

Beast Boy was at it again. He was spasmodically waving a butter knife in Cyborg's general direction and shouting the most absurd things.

"I told you no meat! How on earth—or any other planet—did you find meat bread? You have destroyed the sanctity of my breakfast!" He wailed as he waved the utensil threateningly.

Cyborg, who merely raised an eyebrow as he flipped the flapjacks, shook his head in disbelief. "B, you can't just not eat meat."

"Yes I can! If I ate meat it would be cannibalism!" Whined the green Titan.

Raven sighed, as her agitation rose. Day in and day out they would fight like this and it was wearing her nerves thin.

Beast Boy seethed in anger as Cyborg taunted him endlessly. He finally just aimed and fired the metal kitchenware at the half-human half-robot.

It bounced off him like rubber.

And at the speed it was going at it rammed right into Raven's book—which was luckily not a magic book and just a library book—like a bull's eye. Now a giant stab mark marred the pages of the poor Odyssey.

She turned to the two, fangs bared, as tendrils of smoke rose from her robe. To say the least Beast Boy and Cyborg were sacred witless. They must have turned three shades lighter.

Raven seemed to calm down to a mere blood boil as she curtly snatched her book up—knife and all—and strode out of the room.

As soon as the sliding doors shut B and Cy let out a relieved breath. The almost regained their former colors.

A few minutes later, however, they paled again as Raven walked in. She was lacking the book but she did have a sheet of paper in hand.

She turned her attention on Beast Boy, who had frozen at her gaze, and calmly walked toward him.

"Here." She hissed before throwing the paper in his face. He reached up a plucked it from his head before looking at it in a wary manner.

His eyes grew to the size of saucers before he flung the paper away and tore out of the room screaming bloody murder.

Cyborg blinked as he thought he had seen a grin on Raven's face. However, that had passed so he snatched the paper up from where it lay on the black and white kitchen tile.

And laughed. Hard.

It featured an article that had been printed from the Internet. It went on about the planet Ranhop and how it's people were all vegetables. It had pictures of carrot, soybean, and broccoli people too.

As Cyborg clutched his stomach Raven shook her head and replied morbidly, "Carrots are people, too."

Unfortunately this caused Beast Boy to eat—or drink—nothing but water for the next week or so until Raven lied and said she forged it.

Although it was amusing to see him rocking back and forth in the closet muttering that the vegetables were going to get him…

…Owari…

…

Disclaimer: Don't look now, the kiwis will eat your soul with their cheese plushies of doom! Beware the shoelace! Despite what information the rabid frogs may have informed you with, I do not own Teen Titans, which means we will be busy trying to take over the company running it and unclogging our chimney.

…Heh…

Beware the footy pajamas!


	2. The Almost But Not Quite Second Chapter

Carrots Are People Too

Sequel

By Shyro Foxfeather

……

Beast Boy sat huddled beneath the dark folds of old jackets and the musty scent of dust from the long untouched coats and hats. He had been here for quite some time now and he feared he would never be able to leave the safe confines of the small box-like room—albeit that the room wasn't entirely safe seeing as an enemy attack could knock it to miniscule pieces, but he didn't know that so we won't tell him.

Many times his friends would occasionally open up the door and offer him a plate of food. Starfire had even attempted to get him to eat some of his favorite Udon noodles. He refused as the smiling faces of carrot people haunted his mind in an obscure collaboration of images. He also hadn't seen hide nor hair of Raven and he felt dully miserable about this.

At least he was until she swung open the door and shoved a bowl of Ramen under his nose. "Eat it." She demanded crossly and it seemed to him that someone must've bribed her quite a sum to get her to come here.

He mustered a weak glare and pushed the bowl away. "No because unless this is made of honey or water I'm not eating it."

She sat down meditation style—not that she was meditating or anything— and pushed the bowl back towards him as she raised a fine eyebrow. "You may have to explain the whole honey thing to me…"

He slid the bowl back. "Honey is made by bees and not a cute fluffy animal or plant or anything else."

"That's nice…" She replied and pushed the bowl towards him again. "Now eat."

"No." He muttered darkly.

Thus the awkward pause.

"…I lied."

A blank look crossed his face. "Huh?"

Raven shrugged and found the dusty walls of the closet quite interesting as her eyes lined the dark wood. "I typed the whole thing myself. The planet doesn't exist and the people there aren't real. You can safely eat vegetables without fear that you're a cannibal."

"Oh…" He looked a little bitter. "Why didn't you tell me this three days ago?"

She rose and dusted herself off. "It was funny." She said simply and walked out of the dark room and out of sight.

"Funny?" He muttered dismally. "Stupid…girl." He paused and looked down at the enticing bowl of Ramen. "Maybe I'll just die her hair pink _after _I eat this."

And with that he binged on instant noodles and a mountainous amount of tofu goodness.

…Owari…

…

Disclaimer: Don't look now; the fruit bats will slay your soul with their rolls of duct tape of doom! Beware the elongated ostrich! Despite what release forms the albino cat demons may have sent to by mail of carries pigeon, I do not own Teen Titans, which means we will be busy trying not to be the meal of the flying purple alligators or any sort of unpleasant bird of poetry.

I think I can update now… maybe.

Everyone who's slightly mad and wants me to update say aye!

Anywho…

My Newest Quote: Our hunk a junk car sounds like a boat that kept going when it got to shore and had its anchor down. The people on board are all screaming 'Land ho, already! You can stop now!' and the driver's just shaking his head and going 'I've seen land hoes, they're not that great, and we ain't stoppin' for any of 'em!' –Me

Sadly, our breaks are going out. XD


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